Healthy Relationship Dynamics

Relationships are the Key to Happiness and Well-being

In our busy lives, it’s easy to overlook the significance of relationships. Research has shown that the quality of human connections in our lives is the number one factor that shapes our sense of well-being.  From emotional support to physiological benefits, positive relationships are imperative to achieving good mental health.

The Importance Of Human Connection

The Harvard Study of Adult Development¹ a comprehensive long-term investigation, has revealed a stark truth: healthy relationships are not just a source of happiness but also a key to longevity. The absence of quality connections, or worse, the presence of toxic ones, can significantly diminish our joy and potentially shorten our lifespan. This underscores the importance of the relationships we cultivate, as they play a pivotal role in our well-being and overall satisfaction with life.

Emotional Support

Relationships provide a sense of belonging and support, increasing a person’s positivity and self-worth. When someone doesn’t have anyone who believes in them and is supportive, it can negatively impact their opinion of how worthy they feel as a human being.

Consider a scenario where a person has an important relationship with someone who is argumentative, fails to provide emotional support, and frequently makes discouraging remarks. In such cases, the individual may gradually start feeling they are unimportant and begin to doubt their abilities, leading to a diminished sense of self-worth and value.

Terminating or limiting relationships that repeatedly hurt us and placing effort into establishing positive connections that provide consistent emotional support are integral to developing and maintaining healthy self-esteem.

Neurobiological Responses

Oxytocin is released during social interactions, which triggers a calming response and counteracts the stress-induced ‘fight-or-flight’ reaction. This neurochemical process soothes the nervous system and promotes overall well-being. We are bombarded with fear propaganda in the news and on social media, which raises our cortisol and, thus, our stress levels. Having relationships that provide a safe and positive experience to laugh and enjoy each other’s company helps us relax and feel good.

Evolutionary Perspective and Mental Health

Evolutionarily, humans are wired to seek connection for survival and reproduction. Our well-being is intricately linked to our social bonds from infancy to adulthood. Even introverted people are made to benefit from social connections. Whether your desire to socialize with others is high or low, there is no denying that human beings are not designed to live completely isolated and benefit highly from positive, healthy connections in many ways.

Four Questions To Help You Choose Better Relationships

When assessing who to have a friendship or close relationship with, as you are getting to know someone, it’s essential to ask yourself four questions…

1. Could They Have a Personality Disorder?

Before you get into a relationship with someone and share your soul with them, ensure they are not hiding any unhealthy or dangerous personality traits from you. A person’s mental health impacts everything they encounter, so if you are close to someone who is consistently mentally unwell, how they treat you is something to pay attention to. Many people, and perhaps even most people today, occasionally experience one or more forms of mental illness, which makes sense because the state of the world is not judicious. As Krishnamurti famously stated, “It is no measure of health to be well adjusted to a profoundly sick society.”

So, it is not a red flag if someone is mentally unwell, but it is something to investigate. Ask yourself, “Is this person abusive in any way?” For example, are they controlling, patronizing, manipulative, or dishonest? Do they think they are always right, lack compassion, and do they speak badly about others and spread gossip? If so, then the person has high narcissistic traits and may have undiagnosed narcissistic personality disorder (NPD). Sometimes, NPD can be covert, and people afflicted with this disorder can appear to be humble, altruistic, and kind until you get to know them.

It takes time to get to know someone. In most cases, it takes at least one year to see someone for who they truly are. This is why it’s important not to open up too quickly or reveal too much about your personal life or struggles with new people and those you don’t know very well. Individuals with NPD use the information they come across to manipulate and potentially hurt people in the future if they don’t go along with their agenda. Some common traits of narcissists are that they speak negatively about others behind their backs, need to control everything, and frequently place themselves in positions of power where people will be forced to engage with them. The more time you spend with them, the more you will learn that they lack empathy and think they are brighter than most others. Be aware that frequently, people with NPD can be very good at acting like they care, especially at the beginning of the relationship; this is why it’s important to keep in mind it takes a while to get to know someone’s true character.

Another personality type to be cautious around are empowered victims, who frequently share energetically heavy and personal information. They usually present themselves as rational, kind-hearted people who can do no wrong, and frequently engage in inappropriate trauma-dumping; sharing personal details of their traumatic life events without knowing someone very well or checking to make sure that the person is open to having that kind of serious conversation. An unsuspecting person might feel sorry for them and say things to encourage them to feel better or try to help them. Empowered victims never take accountability for their role in anything negative they have experienced. They crave attention and pity from others and take more energy than they give. It is possible for someone with Narcissistic Personality Disorder also to be an empowered victim; these individuals are sometimes called ‘covert narcissists.’

2. Do I Feel an Equal Energy Exchange Between Us?

Everything is energy, and everything we do is an exchange of energy. For example, some activities, such as doing house chores, may reduce a person’s energy, but going for a long walk increases their energy. Staying conscious of what gives and takes away your energy is essential. This philosophy needs to be applied to people as well. After you spend time or converse with someone, notice how you feel…do you feel more energized than before you connected with them, or do you feel a bit more tired? Maybe you don’t notice either, meaning the connection was neutral for you. Ideally, we should pursue relationships with people who leave us feeling energized most of the time when we interact with them.

Sometimes, people take more than they give, which is normal. We all have moments when we require more support and do not have the energy to give it back at that time. What we are analyzing is, for example, when looking at the last five times you communicated with someone, how often did you feel less energized after you connected with them? Keep in mind that when people go through a difficult period in their lives, they will probably require more emotional support than usual. Still, if they always or commonly seem to be having a crisis, this is important to take note of.

Get into the practice of assessing your energy level after engaging with people. You will become aware that certain people energize and inspire you while others leave you feeling slightly drained and tired. People who commonly reduce your energy are taking more from you than they are giving, so a close relationship with them is not in your best interest. We only have a certain amount of time in our day and in our lives to connect with others, so choosing relationships that increase your stamina or, at the very least, that do not frequently deplete your energy is essential.

3. Do They Respect My Boundaries?

Boundaries in a relationship help each person figure out where one of them ends and the other begins. In short, boundaries help us define what we are comfortable with and how we would like to be treated by others. They apply to any relationship you have – whether with a friend, family member, partner, or anyone else in your life. Knowing your boundaries with others is important to avoid finding yourself in situations you don’t want to be in.

Most people will walk all over you if you don’t set reasonable boundaries. They’ll make demands of your time, energy, and other resources, leaving you feeling depleted and overwhelmed. Individuals who are deeply afraid of rejection or emotionally enmeshed with others are likely to have weak boundaries. People without boundaries often have anxiety issues.

Many people struggle to maintain and protect their boundaries because they don’t want to seem selfish or confrontational or upset the other person. But if you want healthy relationships and good mental health, you must communicate with the people in your life what is acceptable and unacceptable to you.

You are responsible for telling people when they’ve done something you don’t like so they can learn how to treat you. You are not to blame for your boundary being crossed, but you are responsible for holding the boundary-crosser accountable. When your boundary is disrespected, it’s important not to grow resentful and disappointed; instead, speak up. If someone keeps dishonoring your boundaries, allow them to feel the consequences of their actions. If you would like help establishing and enforcing boundaries, book a counseling session here.

4. Are They Good For Me?

An excellent way to assess a potential friend or someone in your life you are considering investing your time into is to ask yourself, do I feel good after spending time with them? Do I feel more positive about myself and my life after I connect with them than I felt before? Or do I feel worse? Ask yourself also if you feel energized or a bit drained when you spend time with them. Keep track so you can notice if there is a pattern. If someone often leaves you feeling drained or bad about yourself, that is a red flag and means you should not continue getting close to them. It’s also important to focus on the other person’s actions instead of their words; do they go out of their way to see you and do kind things to help you and others, or do they just talk about how much they care?

If you notice that you frequently feel discouraged or down after conversing with them, that is a huge red flag. Hopefully, you will be able to take all the necessary steps to protect your mental health. Ideally, relationships that are not in your best interest should be discontinued, but if that’s not possible, then applying firm boundaries and reducing how much time you spend with them is crucial.

Often, in our family or at work, we encounter people who are not good for us but think we cannot end our relationships with them for different reasons. In that case, there are tips and tricks you can learn to protect yourself and limit the damage these people can do to you. Happy Soul Path specializes in assisting individuals in ending toxic relationships and restructuring and managing those that cannot be finished. Book a Discovery Call here.

Positive Connections Equal Greater Wellbeing

Apart from romantic relationships, nurturing connections with family, friends, acquaintances, coworkers, and even strangers can evoke positive neurochemical reactions.

Even brief positive interactions with neighbors or acquaintances can induce feelings of connection and well-being, highlighting the significance of everyday social encounters.

Four Hallmarks of Healthy Relationships

• Mutual Support: Healthy relationships thrive on mutual support and offer solace during good and bad times.

• Authenticity and Vulnerability: Both people can express genuine emotions and vulnerabilities to each other, fostering more intimacy and trust.

• Shared Experiences: Engaging in new and familiar experiences strengthens the bond and deepens the connection.

• Trust and Reliability: Both people trust each other and feel that they can count on the other to do what they say they will do.

Prioritizing Positive Connections

Be selective about who you choose to have a relationship with. Recognize and limit or end (if possible) toxic relationships with others. Understand how critical it is to our mental health that we don’t engage in connections with others who repeatedly hurt us. We only focus on relationships that feel uplifting, nurturing, and safe. If you need help distancing yourself from certain relationships or learning how to manage them better, feel free to book a complimentary Discovery Call here.

Emotions are contagious. Surround yourself with positive people who help you feel good about yourself and your life. Avoid and step away from relationships that bring drama and chaos into your life, confuse, upset or frustrate you.

The Importance of Presence

We are in an era of constant distractions. Knowing how vital relationships are to our mental health, we should prioritize being present when interacting with others, actively listening, and honoring the connection.

When we regularly show up for our relationships by being fully present and not focusing on social media or other distractions, trust between us and the other person can be cultivated, and trust is a vital component of meaningful relationships.

The quality of our relationships is the most critical factor in achieving happiness and well-being. From the profound physiological effects of oxytocin released to the emotional support derived from meaningful connections, fostering and nurturing relationships with people who have our best interests in mind should be a priority in our lives.

We live in an age marked by digital distractions and increased mental health problems, so we must recognize the importance of human connection and avoid relationships that are not psychologically healthy. We should strive to develop and put ongoing effort into relationships that comfort, inspire, and uplift us.

We can increase our happiness by objectively assessing our relationships to determine which ones do not benefit our mental health and eliminate or significantly reduce those connections. Then, we can put more energy and presence into the relationships that energize us and lead us toward greater well-being.

If a person lacks healthy relationships, they should start trying to establish connections with new people. This can be done through participating in new activities, volunteering, getting to know your neighbors, joining clubs and special-interest groups, and getting into situations where there will be an opportunity to meet others.

Sometimes, entering new situations can be daunting. I am here to help you with your existing relationships and any new ones you hope to form. You can book a complimentary Discovery Call here.

Happy Soul Path was created to help people have better relationships and succeed at life.

Lia will share all the tips, tricks and guidance you need to elevate youself. You will experience a ‘rebirth’ and have a fresh take on life; a second chance, which will allow you to achieve greater happiness and success.

If you are repeatedly hurt, disappointed, or frustrated because of one or more of your relationships and are unable to accomplish what you desire or move forward in a healthy way, you don’t have to struggle alone anymore.

Lia will give you the opportunity to explore your unique personality, gain insight into your relationships, decide on your goals, and learn strategies to achieve them, all while being supported in a confidential, nurturing space by someone who understands you.

Growth Containers are a Safe Space to Learn and Grow

Happy Soul Path Offers Two Types of Growth Containers:

– Individual Counseling & Coaching Sessions

– Support Groups with other People Experiencing Similar Challenges


Experience a confidential, nonjudgmental, and nurturing space for self-exploration one-one-one with Lia, or in an online support group.

Enjoy endless opportunities to delve into the issues obstructing your path toward happiness.

Receive caring assistance while developing skills and using tools designed to help you feel confident as you move forward.

The quality of our relationships determines the quality of our lives.

One of the most remarkable aspects about getting support is its ripple effect. As you grow and change, your personal growth will positively impact all areas of your life, your relationships with others, and most importantly the relationship you have with yourself which sets the tone for every other relationship you have.

It’s common for conflicts and issues in important relationships to stem from misunderstandings, communication problem’s, lack of boundaries, past trauma, misalignment and being involved with people who have undiagnosed personality disorders. Through counseling and coaching, you can gain a deeper understanding of yourself, the individuals in your life, the hidden dynamics, as well as learn behavior techniques and informed decision making skills which lead to a happier life.

Who can benefit from Coaching & Counseling with Lia?

Whether you’re experiencing an inability to accomplish your dreams, having difficulty identifying what you want, or struggling with your partner, friend, child, adolescent, parent, or other family member, or you are dealing with challenges regarding friendships, intimate relationships, 2SLGBTQ+, parenting, or thinking about relocating; I will give you a safe and confidential space to focus on yourself and your goals, and help you move forward in the way that’s right for you.

Sometimes it’s the journey that teaches you the most about your destination

You deserve a safe and confidential space to focus on yourself and your goals. Happy Soul Path will give you a compassionate and nurturing space designed for you to gain self-awareness, receive clarity about yourself and the people in your life, develop better interpersonal skills and healthy coping strategies so you can have more positive relationships and a happier life. 

A hero is an individual who finds the strength to persevere and endure in spite of overwhelming obstacles.

Footnotes

1. https://research.ebsco.com/c/ylm4lv/search/details/byqq4uqh2v/details?limiters=RV%3AY&q=Harvard+Grant+Study+of+Adult+Development%3A+1938%E2%80%932022. ↩︎