Ideally, all human beings have at least one or two people who love and support them long-term and are invested in their relationship. Our world is not always easy, and unfortunately, people who use others and lack morals are everywhere. Having loved ones who support you and provide a safe place makes a huge, positive difference. Not having people you can share your joys with and turn to when the going gets tough can make your life more challenging and painful.
When you grow up with parents who treat you badly or who tell you they love you but don’t show it, you develop a perspective of yourself and the world very different from that of people from healthier families. It could be said that whether or not you have a loving, supportive family is the single biggest factor in your orientation to the world and potentially how happy and successful you will be. Thankfully, we can mitigate this through counseling and inner work.
When children have parents who shame them and act like they are a burden, they internalize their parents’ behavior and develop a belief that something must be wrong with them. They think they are not loveable or must be inherently flawed. However, it’s crucial to remember that these beliefs can be challenged and changed. This belief is embedded in their unconscious and will stay with them in adulthood if they don’t do inner work, impacting their life through the people they choose to establish relationships with, how they behave, and what they are willing to tolerate from others.
If someone has an unconscious belief that they are defective or unworthy, they are more likely to abandon themselves and put others’ desires ahead of their own. They are less likely to recognize red flags in other people and instead make excuses for others’ bad behavior, remaining in toxic relationships.
The main problems with toxic relationships are that they eat up your time, deplete your energy, and distract you from your life purpose. So, humans who grow up with unsupportive families are more likely to fail to accomplish their dreams in life because they are constantly distracted by the toxic relationships they’re involved in.
Going through life without anyone there who has your back or whom you can safely confide in feels cruel and lonely. There may be a persistent desire to find people who care. Still, because the person unconsciously feels that they are less valuable than others, they are more likely to get involved with sociopaths, narcissists, and other people with Cluster B-type personality disorders.
Anyone who doesn’t have a supportive family in their back pocket may feel desperate to have deeper connections with others. Social predators sense this desperation and use it to their advantage. A person without a supportive family may have never experienced a healthy, close relationship, so they are less likely to know when someone is using or abusing them.
Getting close to narcissists and sociopaths is a recipe for destruction, and people who become entangled with them eventually find themselves being mistreated and taken advantage of. Thus, without counseling and inner work, people who weren’t given love as children have a high chance of not receiving it as adults.
Living without receiving love and acceptance from others is hard enough, but add to that the gaslighting, bad-mouthing, and crazy-making that commonly occur in relationships with Cluster B-type individuals, and a person finds themself perpetually navigating through drama and distress with little relaxation, joy, and peace in life.
The purpose of relationships is to provide emotional and practical support, help us overcome challenges, and bring happiness and fun into our lives through shared experiences. Human beings are wired to benefit from connections with others. We are not meant to live in isolation.
Being involved in healthy, supportive relationships is key to positive well-being, and entertaining turbulent relationships is likely to lead to low self-esteem and poor mental health. The absence of healthy connections, and the presence of toxic ones, significantly diminishes a person’s sense of well-being and joy. Who someone surrounds themselves with in big part determines the quality of their life.
If you don’t have a loving family or you are frequently involved in relationships with others that result in your suffering, book a complementary Discovery Call here. I was once in your shoes, and I will help you to heal and establish a better life with healthier relationships.
